Hola Chicas..here's a question and concern of many women..will/does my man support my decision to go natural? I say it's a concern because, let's be honest, we all want the support of our significant others in our journey of embracing our natural selves. It makes the journey much easier when we have the support of not only friends, but our family as well, ie, our spouses. I can't tell you how many stories that I've heard where a woman has ventured into the sea of naturality and she does not have the support of her man. 'He just likes long straight hair' or 'he thinks being natural is unprofessional' or 'why are you so interested in this healthy all natural kick?'
I think it is sad that when a woman chooses to adorn her crown or enhance her internal self the O'Natural way, she is ridiculed, not taken serious or just plain rejected by her significant other. Whether it's due to lack of knowledge, lack of exposure, or a selfish lack of concern, I believe a man should embrace the fact that his woman wishes to use elements from God's earth rather than man's harsh chemicals...be it for her body or for her mind and spirit, if it's something for the good of her overall being, shouldn't it be supported? Now, I know some of you are thinking, 'who cares if he supports it or not!' but let's be real with ourselves, please, we care and our man's support is like a breath of fresh air. Because most time society is not ready for our natural-ness, it's nice to have a manleader (man cheerleader) on our team.
Now, I understand that when it comes to hair, most men naturally love long flowing locks. These are the images that they have seen on TV, have been made to believe is 'beauty' from media, friends, family, etc and that's not always easy to break. To force him into immediately embracing your decision to do a Big Chop is a bit drastic. A great way to break him into it gently is to talk about it first. Explain your decision of why you are choosing to go natural. Skim through pictures of natural hairstyles. Let him know that now, he doesn't have to worry about messing up your freshly permed, pressed or relaxed hair while you are enjoying each other. Let him know that no longer will you squeak when you two are out and it begins to rain. Educate him on the benefits of going natural and using natural products. Bottom line is, most men are just not educated on the benefits of 'all things O'Natural'. Just give him some time, he will come around. I know some are probably saying, well that's easy for you to say, your man supports your decision, yes, but there are other things that he may be a little hesitant to support and I have to gradually ease him into it and not force him into accepting it..it takes time! Another great tip is to have him speak to other men who's significant other chose to go natural and to ask questions. Men just like the respect of having been included in the decision and included on the journey. Soon enough, he will, surprisingly, begin to bring new information to you in regards to learning something new about being natural. Stay optimistic and remember, good things are worth waiting for.
O'Natural = Sexy...Embrace your healthy sexiness!
I've always been an extremely independent woman. My man (husband, lover, boyfriend, whatever) is asking for a one way pass to and through the front door by not being supportive. It's not like I'm changing who I am. If he can't support me in my choices (especially regarding self improvement), what else is this buster waiting to spring on me?!
ReplyDelete@ Roschelle..I feel ya, lol..but I truly believe a lot of it is more lack of education about the subject and just plain ole' change.. some men do not like change, some men are just so sold into the idea of society's standard of beauty that they are nervous about change. Some may view natural hair as a negative because that's the way that it's always been portrayed, especially for blacks. If he was brought up in a home where terms like 'good hair' or 'bad hair' was used to describe a certain type of hair texture, then it's more of a challenge to break that cycle..but I do agree, if it's something for self improvement, it should be supported
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of a post I did a few weeks back. A young woman who's been natural for 3 years brought her son in for treatment in the emergency room. she called me over to compliment me on my hair. We talked about my regimen and she pulled her WIG off to reveal her gorgeous natural mane. WOW! The wig was a hot mess. But it was straight, long and what her "man" liked.
ReplyDeleteIt matters not what was taught in his home. It's about me. Do you love me or my hair?
God forbid if I was diagnosed with cancer and the chemo took ALL of it out.....I just really don't think it's that serious and if it is, he can kick rocks...lol!
Excellent topic! Roschelle made some great points and in your post you had some great points..my husband came around to supporting my natural hair. He was a little hesitant at first, but like Nique said, the more educated, the more he saw the many different hair styles that I rock the more he has learned to love it! Like you said, good things are worth waiting for..
ReplyDeleteyes he does, lol.. He has been wanting me to do it for sooooo long.
ReplyDelete